Note: some of this has been taken
directly from IB guide, some has been mangled beyond recognition. We have cited
our sources, and you have been warned.
Math
Teachers: Ninth grade: The
dreaded Ms. Nelson, who we drove to the point of insanity during the one (and
only) semester she taught at Palmer. Then Mr. K, who spent the entire semester
he taught us glaring at his son Max, who sat in the back row of the class and
gave me (administrator 1) answers to his father’s questions. After that, life
got easier (as long as you didn’t take HL,) and you only have to deal with
half-way insane teachers.
Course Summary: Math tries to lure
you in with relatively easy ninth grade classes but do not be tricked! You'll
go from doing your French homework in Math to doing your Math homework in
French (and social studies, and chem and physics and English...). If you'd
don't study, you’ll be dead. So take it from a veteran. Study.
Chemistry
Teachers: The one and only
Mrs.
Hampson (also known as Mrs. Zach’s Mom.) You’ll either love her or hate her,
but no one will forget her.
Course Summary: In Chemistry, you'll
learn lots of fun little things from people who actually celebrate Mole Day.
You do lots of labs, and lots of write ups. You also get to spend a whole
extended period tye-dyeing second semester and then get to spend an entire day
feeling like a complete idiot when you have to wear the tye-dye. If the 10th
grade wasn’t enough of a fix for you, you can go on to Higher Level chemistry,
and struggle through insane amounts of math, and another two rounds of tye-dye.
English
Courses Taken: English 10H, English
20IB, English 30IB, English 35IB
Common Teachers: English teachers
change. A lot. They (or their spouses) get pregnant. A lot. So telling you
about them would be pointless.
Course Summary: A typical English
class which would start at 1:05 is as follows:
1. 1:05-1:10 : Robbie Gill sneaks up to the board
and writes
quotes from obscure books on it.
2. 1:10 : Teacher A enters, and announces she
is pregnant,
and quitting.
3. 1:11 Teacher B enters, announces his spouse
is pregnant,
and leaves Tessa in charge of the class.
4. 1:26 : Tessa promptly starts a small scale
war with her
neighbor over the obscure metaphors in ‘1984’
5. 1:31 : Teacher C enters, makes us return to
the topic, and
begin discussing a novel.
6. 1:32 : Tessa’s enemy makes a weird comment
regarding the
novel and the next 30 minutes are spent watching Tessa telling him why he is
wrong, and should therefore be burned at the stake (without ever saying anything
remotely impolite)
7. 1:55 : Tessa stops when she hears the rest
of the class
(including her victim) snoring.
8. 2:01 : We finally get back on topic (again)
when teacher C
announces that he, for one, is not pregnant.
9. 2:02 : Either Sarah, Ted, or Julia corrects
the teacher’s
grammar, is told they are wrong, and promptly leaves to find another English
teacher to support their opinion (because they are right.) Unfortunately,
all other English teachers are pregnant.
10. 2:15 : Class ends.
Theory of Knowledge
Common teachers: Dr. K
Course Summary: The single most
interesting IB course, in which you may find yourself (as a Jew) wondering if
Hitler had justification.
Tech
Common teachers: Dr. K if you are
lucky, Mr. Hamilton (one of the English teachers with pregnant spouses) if you
aren’t.
Course Summary: if you’re
good with
computers, you’ll spend most of this class sitting around and/or showing other
students how to run Director. If you aren’t good with computers, you’ll spend
the entire time freaking out over whether you’ll be done with your projector in
time for Personal Project night, and bribing the students who finished their
projectors four days into class to do yours too.
Free Period
Common teachers: The hobos in the
park, those wonderful people at Starbucks and Brooklyn Bagel.
Course Summary: IF you ever have
a
free period, you are one of the luckiest people in the world. It is usually
spent pretending to study, drinking coffee, eating Palmer Melts or franticly
copying History Terms.
History
Common teachers: Mr. Appelhanse
(if
you like history, you’ll love him) or Mr. Boyd (if you love busy work, you’ll
love him) freshman year, Mr. Gilliam and Mr. Kennington (eewey conservative
who’s a much better teacher than he has any right to be) sophomore year, and
whomever is not on ‘administrative leave’ for sponsoring the GSA your Jr. and
Sr. year.
Course Summary: Most of this class
is
spent in heated debate (er—of course we’re not debating, Mr. Kennington. Its a
discussion. Yeah. A discussion… *trails off*). If you’re good at arguing and/or
writing, you’ll pass it with flying colors. If you’re not, well, hope that they
make prayer in school legal again…
Biology
Courses Taken: Science 10HA, Bio
20IB, Bio 30IB
Common teachers: Webster and co.
Course Summary: Everyone takes
Bio
freshman year. Period. And almost everyone takes it Jr. and Sr. year, because
if you aren’t good at math, it’s the only option, and it’s a good third higher level
for those of us who don’t have the urge to spend two years equalizing the square
root of log fifteen to the seventh times fourteen v over pi quantity squared
plus seventeen root four times x to the v…
Spanish.
Just don’t. Say no to horrible
teachers. Take our advice. Take French. Even Madam Pucelle is better. Trust us.
We know.
